“Dude Big $Money” was having a party and to get there you needed to find his new cache. After I found his “Penthouse View” I was almost worried when “choose your star choose your terror” cache appeared in my in box. “1.5 star difficulty 1-3 star terrain and 1or 5 star terror.
Well aint that a kick in the teeth. I for one do not like haunted houses. My dad worked at one and he scared me enough. Turns out once the patrons where gone strange things did go on at the real haunted house. He told me real stories that happened and the legend behind it. I thought he might be playing but other who worked there gave the same tales years later. They did not know that my dad had told me about them while it was going on. And yes beside the point of view the stories matched. And I thought he was playing. My dad tried to make me face this place and I chose not to go. Now I have a chance to choose not to be “terrified”. And I, one who avoids these things, I was going full boar and take the 1/3 star with a 5 star kicker

Truth. I choose the 5 star and then I did not follow instruction or did I. This was my fault. Like the idiot who goes after his hat after it falls off the roller coaster. I simply tried to go back. I did this to myself. Simple really. I mean it said do not go back. If you wanted it to stop you had to go forward. But was going back an accident?

From Google Earth I could see the cache was located in a parking lot of a old abandoned strip mall store front. The direction told me to park in the ally next to the store and walk to the cache site. The cache page stated “If you want the full 5 star wear a costume that has a face mask. Go to the GPS coordinates and use the clock on your GPS to be in place for the 1 minute window of opportunity. On the hour and half hour 7pm till2am you will have 1 minute to get the coordinates to the next stage of terror. Please no more then 4 at a time”
Well I am here in my ninja face mask and the gps has at 9:58pm. Walking toward the lamp post skirt I take in the parking lot. This portion in front of lot in front of the old cloth store is empty. But there is some activity around the edges. Not much just down and around the edges of the half empty half used store fronts. I make it to the lamp skirt at 9:59P and try to lift it up. Nope stuck. So I feel around looking for a magnetic stick on. Nope, none here. Well now what. As I look down at my GPS it clicks over to 10:00pm
“Click, Click” and then I hear a little “whirl”
I looked where the sound came from and it was the lamp skirt. It had opened up and spit out a sheet of paper.
“1 terror coordinates ###### then press right symbol. If you want a te
WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP came a siren . I was hit with a very bright beam of light and I could see red and blue flashing light behind it.
“eeee”, I whimpered
“HANDS UP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? a deep male voice rumbled.
I am uh geocaching
“Sir there is nothing here what are you doing here with a mask on? Is that part of your geo caching?”
No I am mean yes I mean I was told
“Told? told by who? we got this tip?”
“Geocaching web site Dude big money choose your terror” I spit out while trying to tug in my mask.
“Keep your hands up! Now son there is nothing here” The cop said in a more reasonable tone.
“geocaching is finding what someone else hid” I said without wincing
“Ok ok” the voice changed to a soft respectable sound. “Well I see you want a 5 star terror Glad to meet you and you would be?”
Um I am My Name is Todd, Todd G@&%)
No I mean your handle. I am Dude Big $Money$ glad to meat you.
Nervous laughs came out of me and I stammered “PZ Dude”
Now PZ Dude you just sign the waver in your hand and ripe off your copy and have fun.
After getting my heart rate back down I plugged in the coordinates on the sheet and both sets put me behind the strip mall. I walked around and stood at 5 star terror spot at the edge of the lot in the open nothing around. From my map on my gps I could judge the 1 star would be the back door. Now why would I want to do that? This did say a 3 star terrain. 3 star terrain in the middle of a flat open place? That can only mean 1 thing. Sure enough I was standing on the edge of the lot and directly straight line from the door and where I was 10 feet away was a drainage cement tube. The tube looked like there could be illuminated. The clues on the page “Well yes it is here but you might not want to go there to get here” and “Walk toward the light”
The tunnel itself was big enough to bend down and walk into and believe it or not there was a light at the end of it.
So I am walking side step hunched over into this tube. Half way into the tube where the coordinates might be the light goes out. “Nice” I say to myself “my flashlight is in the car.
Just then a warm, not bright light came on and I could see movement coming toward me. Then the movement was all around me. I felt some puffs of air like something was passing real close from behind me. My eyes focused and right there not two feet in front of me was a big snake. I glanced behind me and the air flow I felt was a wall coming up from behind to box me in. Next to me a snake just slithers under me? In front of me this snake raises up and flashes a hood. Wait these are real snakes and it feels as if the tube has just gotten smaller. The snake in front of me strikes out at me.
I froze.
The snake hit something in mid air.
The tube had gotten smaller. There was a small plexiglass tank that fit real nice into the concrete tube. The way it sat you could only see it when the light hit it at the right angles.
Just then a puff of cold air carried a eerie voice “Move ahead you found the right place.

The light came back on at the end of the tunnel. I could see a small ladder so up I went into a little room with a sign. “Place your GPS and flashlight here. It can not help you anymore. It will be safe, will you? Pick up my creation. The wherigo/flashlight will guide you.”
It looked like a plastic gun with a touch screen PDA attached to it. It held easily in the hand and pull the trigger a not so bright light lights up with a laser pointer dead center of the beam. OK Frankenstein’s GPS
Touch screen. “Welcome to your last” I am here to guide you. Pick a door, as if it matters they will all lead you to your doom!”
“Big words little screen. Middle door and the fates be D@MNED.” I thought with high confidence.
I opened the door and wow. I was inside a big old what used to be a department store. I mean, I knew that it once was a store. I could look up and see a ceiling but in front of me? In front of me were weeds 7 feet tall. I looked down at the unit. “bushwack. The cache 400 feet that away. Find the cache, open the lid and line up the laser to unlock your next horrific task.”
So I started hacking into the brush. Ever so often I would come by a head stone. "Look what He Found" on one of them. When the unit read 200feet then started to rain. Not a pore down or a shower just a nice fine wet mist coming from somewhere. The unit read 100 feet and terrain became mud! 25 feet and I could see a clearing. I busted thru and what do I see? A hobo holding the cache box. He was just laying there cradling the box eyes closed. I looked at the unit.
“Wasn’t that fun? Now do not wake him. Open the lid and line up the laser.”
Great. So I crept up to the guy and talk about scary, he even had the right smell for a hobo, yuck!
My costume thankfully had gloves as I picked up his arm and eased his hand away from the lid. Out pops spiders, then spiders just start falling on my head. Wait a minute they are just plastic fake spiders. I did jump but har har har. I opened the cache up and shot the laser at the bar code inside.
“Well you survived. You can come to the party but there are 3 other doors. The one in the middle will lead you to the end. The other two could lead to your doom! Pick one if you dare!”

Taking the one on the right I end up in a small, dark hallway. The unit flashed on with just an arrow pointing me forward. 500 feet then it turned itself off and everything went dark. I pulled the trigger and the little light flashed on just enough to flicker on then back off. Just enough to give me those little dots before my eyes. So slowly I crept down this very dark hallway with only a glimpse of the arrow to guide the way. I could hear my heart beating. Wait a minute that is about all I can hear. “Hello......” The word just died in front of me. I spoke it but felt as if the word left my mouth and just dropped to the floor.
“No one can hear you” a whisper shot past my ear as if it was spat out of a pea shooter.
I turned around nothing but the silent hall behind me.
“All is lost” shot from in front of me.
I felt the wall and it was hard and misshaped. There were what felt like holy metal triangles stuck all over the walls. I tried the flashlight again and it only flickered and yes cold metal sound proofing metal triangle all over the wall.
“Oh I see, a sound absorbing room, nice.” I thought to myself. As I thought this more words of encouragement shot at me.
“You are doomed. Just keep walking. There is n.. hope. It will .. end soon. The truth is...” the words or sentences seemed to come from nowhere and sometimes just drop off. It was enough to just give you the creeps. I made it to the end of the hallway and the arrow pointed left, like I had any other chose.
Around the corner and the lights flashed on and I almost fell down. I was in an optical illusion. The room painted black and white and was sized real funky. I think they called it force perspective. One side was bigger then the other but the lines drew together at the wrong angles so your eye just could not find a focal point to orient yourself. On top of that I just could not tell how level the floor was. I shut my eyes grabbed the wall and took a breath. I then cupped my hands around the electronic unit and read the screen.
“The cache is only 100 feet that away. Simply walk there. Place your feet on the painted footsteps on the floor. The “cache” will be in front of you. Simply shoot the flashlight into the middle of the correct spiny thing to get your next clue. “
As I started walking the room came alive. A strobe light went on, then things started dancing, spinning, rocking and swimming. Swimming? Wait that was me. I shut my eyes again. Took a deep breath and opened just one eye. Judged the wall to be only 20 feet in front of me. Just peeked and slowly made my way there. I then looked ever so slowly at the floor till I found painted feet and placed my feet on that spot. Looked in front of me and saw the turning, pulsating round thing with a bulls eye in the middle where I needed to scan. The unit blinked, “Turned left”

I walked out of the small walkway and was assaulted with just a wall of sound and light. Bang bang whoop whoop, red green blue lights turning off and on. Yikes. Then it stopped.
“Having fun?” a familiar voice shouts out “like my black and white room and the hall of silence with the voice cannon? Cool right? “Well you can just get your invitation or tackle one more room. This one is special. After assaulting your senses with the last gauntlet I had to put in this room of just to give people a chance to get there bearings back. You want some candy? If you had chose this one 1st it might not have been needed. But I wanted choose in this game. But here I am rattling on and what I need to do is give you a warning. This room is not dangerous as long as you go forward! Once in do not turn back just go forward. If you are the least afraid of heights do not do this room!” Dude Big Money spoke to me.
So I took a piece of candy and stuck the wrapper in my pocket. We are in a old department store how far up can this guy make it? the ceiling is a good 20 feet up but please that is not much.
“Sure I am ready.”I said
So in I go. The door slams behind me and I am again in pitch black. My little screen blinks on. Pull the trigger and follow the arrow. I could only see what the little light showed me but it seems I was at the start of a simple maze. The walls were simple drywall and I could go left right or straight. The arrow pointed left so away I went. 5 steps in and I again could go three ways and it was left again. 15 feet in and another left.
“What a maze no right turns but then again it takes three left’s to make it right.” I laughed at myself.
Then I made a right and the arrow pointed to a small opening. So I squeeze thru the opening and wow! In front of me was a mountain trail. The light level was low so my guess was he was shooting for a setting that would be at either dusk or dawn. And yes I could tell it was a little fake. I mean in front and above this scene was a painted wall the but still. I took a few steps and took it all in. The trial veered a little off to the right and up at a slight grade. To the right was a hill. It was dirt and small trees and looked like any other hill you would see while out caching. To the left was a drop off and then black. The wall was, now that I looked at it, curved. I started up the trail and the room got very dark. I looked at my unit and on the screen it read “It is always darkest before the dawn.” So I walk a little more down the trail. From low on the wall, light started filling into the room. That is when I looked down. The trail was on the side of a cliff? What? I looked and blinked again. Somehow to the right was a hill. To the left was a curved wall and what I believed to be a almost imax sized screen showing a sunrise between mountains over a canyon. I looked down. I could almost make out maybe some glare of glass and maybe a mirror reflection or two but the effect was just wonderful. If you did not look at the "seems" of how it might be put together you could believe you were walking up a great mountain. Could have been the Smokeys or maybe Rockys or Grand Tetons. I have done them all. This one just felt high and free and the trail was getting narrower. I looked at the unit. It showed veered off to the right up the trail 200 feet. and read “No terror here unless you are afraid of heights.
Around the bend I went and for every step I took forward it seemed as I was being raised another 10 feet in the air. The path just kept getting narrower and higher with ever step. Till I came around the last bend and there was only a small clearing to stand on. In that clearing was a simple lock box cache. I looked over to my right and there was a nicely painted wall 10 feet away. I looked to my left and there was nothing but a canyon. A shear valley that I could not see the bottom. I looked up and the there was a ceiling and it was only as high as if I was standing in a room. Like I said as long as youlooked on it as a whoile it was breath taking. I was on top of a mountain!
I looked at the unit “here you go just do not look down”
“What” I thought as I lifted the lid. As the lid came up I heard a little rumble. Then the mountain top started shaking very slightly. I looked down at the cache I could see what looked like the mountain top crumbling away beneath my feet. Before I could move the most of the ground just dropped away. I was left crouched next to a ammo can in mid air. Ok of course I was not flouting in mid air 10 no 50 no 100 feet up. It just seemed like it. I was on a piece of plexy glass. The glass was under me but under that was maybe a cross between those new high def tvs, projectors and mirrors. The effect was un canny. I am not afraid of heights but I now know what goes thru the cartoon coyote’s head as yet again the road runner has him standing 5 feet away from the cliff and over the fall. I was standing above a pit!
“Yikes”
The lights brighten up around me, the floor came back in view and a hidden door opened. The hobo came out of the door.
“So how did you like it” the fowl smelling man asked.
“Nice but how did he do it?” I asked
“Oh some of it is secret some just basic misdirection but come along and I need to help you down.’ The hobo said.
I stepped down and heard what I thought was Dude Big Money’s voice behind me on the trail. I really wanted to talk with him so I got an idea. When the hobo was looking down I stuck my wrapper in the latch that would hold the door shut.
“So where is The Big Dude?” I asked
“Oh he has do some resetting before the next guy comes along” hobo stated
“I would love to talk with him.” with that I turned around and went up and thru the door that I rigged so as not to lock.
“Not yet” is all I heard from the hobo.
I am still not sure what happened. It happened so fast. I open the door and heard and saw Dude Big Money. It was my fault. The door hit him and he fell. I could now see some of the mirrors and a tv or two that once made up the pit. But there was a pit for real. It was only 15 feet deep and the Dude was falling into it.
That is when I freaked out. Out of the mirrors came something. As I put it into words I would have to say more of an Angel figure then a ghost but who can say. Dude Big Money said and still says I caught his hand and helped him back up nothing else. I just remember falling down to my belly and staring at this wisp in the mirror holding him up long enough, close enough for me to get my hands onto his.
Even thought I went back and Dude Big Money knows I jimmied the lock a little he is still grateful I caught him. He had to just reset something on the mountain top illusion. He was about to close it all back up. I came barrling out of the door “at the wrong time” he said. That is what made him slip. He blames himself for some sort of flaw in his design that makes him have to reset the scene. Great guy. But was the plan for me to go back?
So great I am still trying to work out if it was all just some elaborate joke or did I really knock him over and see what I saw come from the mirror? The tv? the floor. It was a person figure I saw, I think.

So here I sit with a drink in my hand just wondering what I did see? Did I really save the guy? I may never know what I saw. I have heard of some that were asked to turn around and go back to "talk" with Mr. Dude Big Money. They all just say he jumped out at them. I have heard of no one else saving the guy. I decied not to tell anyone of my wrinkle in the cache and just join the party.